If you walked into a Public Toilet and saw some guy with his face pressed up against the crack in the door of one of the cubicles, what would your first reaction be? "What the!?..." "Why did I choose today to leave my mace and stun gun at home?" or of course "Wow what's George Michael doing here?" When little kids need to use Public Toilets this is sometimes what happens. Taking a wizz is no problem. In fact it's all a lot of fun. In the words of George Castanza "Isn't it more fun to use the urinal?" It sure is. I can remember back in the day where the Coffs Harbour R.S.L had a urinal that was about 20m long.

If me and the boys need to go at the same time, we'll all line up together looking like some sort of cheeky postcard. This is especially true as they don't yet understand that you don't need to pull your pants all the way down just to take a wizz.

But when there's a Poo'n' that needs Do'n', it's a bit of a different story. The boys are a little bit too old to go into the Women's with Mum so I get the toilet duty whenever we are out and if "the turtle is poking his head out" we can't wait until we get home.

The whole procedure goes a little something like this. First I'll take a look inside the cubicle to make sure it is a clean as a public toilet gets, make sure there are no sharps or anything like that in there and that the dunny roll is sufficiently stocked.

Then the little man is sent in and they ALWAYS feel the need to lock the door. They don't really care who sees them with their pants around their ankles, dangling their feet over the front of an adult size toilet, they just like playing with things.

Then the waiting game begins...

I'm left standing out the front of the cubicle like some sort of casually dressed Bathroom Attendant waiting for a flush and an "I'm finished dad". But when a few minutes have passed and the flush doesn't come or the triumphant call has not been made, I have to check in to see everything is OK.

Unfortunately the only real way I can do this is by peering through the crack between the frame and the door to make sure he hasn't fallen in or he's not playing with a syringe that my earlier inspection might have missed. And of course it's this time that someone else happens to walk into the toilet and sees me watching what's going on in one of the cubicles.

Whilst it's never funny at the time, thinking about the reactions of the guys seeing me do this is quite funny to ponder a few hours later. Some of them don't notice or don't care. Some of them are quite disgusted and walk out, not wanting to witness what might be some sort of bizarre homosexual spectacle.

But thankfully none of them have seen me peering into the cubicle and thought they come and have a look as well.

So next time you walk into a public toilet and you see some weirdo trying to watch what's happening on the other side of the partition, it'll either be me or George Michael so say hello.

P.S. If there is an entourage of Police waiting out the front, it's probably George and not me.