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The Good Ol' Days


Thursday, December 09, 2004




A Rude Awakening

This (pictured right) is what I woke up to this morning. Crawling along my arm was the most feared of all Australian spiders. The White Tailed Spider.

In my rational mind, I knew there was nothing to worry about. These little guys are no more dangerous than a bee or even less so.

The reason they are one of Australia's most feared animals is because of sensationalist media like A Current Affair, The Daily Telegraph etc...

In actual fact, White Tailed Spiders are very handy to have around the house. It's just hard to appreciate it when you wake up at 6:30am with one on your arm.

Unfortunately, these spiders have been falsely linked to a medical condition known as necrotising arachnidism. This is the one where you see the westie being interviewed by Ray Martin (they're always westies on ACA) holding out her flabby tuckshop lady arm with the hideous rash and rotting skin. They will then go on to say that this is caused by a White Tailed Spider bite. Of course their condition is never a result of not washing between the folds of fat on their arms, nor are they ever able to produce the spider that "bit them".

Actually when I contacted the CSIRO about these spiders, they told me that whenever anyone has come into a hospital or Doctor with a big unexplained rash or chronic skin condition like they saw on Ray, they have never been able to produce the White Tailed Spider that "bit them". Not once.

It is theorised that some people might have a reaction to its bite just like some people have reactions to bee stings however it would not be anything like necrotising arachnidism. For most if not all of us, being bitten by one of these guys would be just like being bitten by a Bull Ant, it might sting like a bugger and be itchy for a little while but that's it.

But the reason why they are actually good to have around the house is that their main source of food is other spiders. They love eating the little Black House Spiders that live in and around most homes.

So this was what the rational side of my brain was telling me as I watched this little thing sitting on my arm, tapping away with its front legs. At least it was for about 3 secs until I squashed the bloody thing.

I hate spiders.


Friday, December 03, 2004




Friday Cop Out - recycling my Radio Scripts again

For everyone who’s ever dreamed about the clean and efficient production of electricity, I have both GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS.

First the Good News. Scientists have discovered a method of electricity production using a totally renewable fuel that has virtually no waste by products and will eventually see the end of nuclear, coal and hydro electric power plants.

The Bad News is that this totally renewable fuel source is only found on the moon.

This elusive fuel is called Hellium-3 and once we figure out a way to go up there and get it, we’ll be saying goodbye to the dirty and environmentally damaging ways we produce power at the moment.

We’ve known about the existence of Helium-3 for quite some time. However it wasn’t until 1985 that we first discovered there was substantial amounts of the stuff in the moon soil that Neil Armstrong and “Mr. Second Place” Buzz Aldrin and the other guy brought back with them.

Actually it’s not exactly true to say there is no Hellium-3 on Earth. There is some but not enough of it for use in energy production. In fact a few short months ago, researchers at the University of Wisconsin Fusion Technology Institute were able to successfully initiate and maintain a fusion reaction using Helluim-3. But to allow us to start powering our homes and industry with this seemingly magical stuff, we need a lot more of it.

The samples that came back from the moon show us that its surface contains Hellium-3 at around 13 parts per billion. Now that while that doesn’t sound very much, probably close to the amount of urine in your average swimming pool, it means that we’d only have to process about two square kilometres to get approximately 200 kilos. That would be enough to power a city of one million people for a year and would also have a projected value of $200M Australia Dollars.

So why is it that this stuff is all over the moon like kid’s wee in a council pool, while down here on Earth we have none? I’m glad you asked.

Hellium-3 is created by the massive fusion reactions that power the Sun. As Helium radiates out from the Sun as a product of these reactions, it’s bombarded by cosmic rays. These rays knock out a neutron or two and turn the Helium into Hellium-3. The stray neutrons also run into other Helium atoms, knocking out their neutrons, creating even more Hellium-3.

These newly formed atoms travel throughout the Solar System until they run into something like an asteroid or a planet or even our moon. The reason they don’t tend to end up on Earth is because they are repelled by our atmosphere and magnetic field. Since the moon has no atmosphere, it’s able to collect a lot more and since it is the closest piece of rock to earth, it makes it the easiest to get to.

So say we do head up to the moon, extract this gas from the soil and bring it back down to Earth, what do we do with it then? That’s where a Fusion Reactor comes in.

While we already have fusion reactors using fuels such as deuterium and tritium, we have not been able to use them to make commercial amounts of electricity yet. The main reason is because your average fusion reaction generates heat equivalent to the surface of the Sun. The only way to stop the reaction from vaporising everything in the immediate vicinity is to use a magnetic containment field. Current technology forces us to keep these fields small. They also produce a large amount of radiation.

The great benefit in using Hellium-3 is that when it’s fused with deuterium, the reaction produces far less heat and radiation, which means it, can be easily contained and even located in populated areas quite safely. The other advantage is that a Hellium-3 deuterium reaction produces a high energy proton, which can be directly converted into electricity with an efficiency of 70%. Coal and even Nuclear Power plants generate their power by creating vast amounts of heat which is used to create steam which in turn spins massive turbines which create the electricity. This is a far less efficient way to generate power.

So for the tiny estimated sum of twenty billion dollars Australian, we could be sending up a new generation of space ships and starting a mining colony on the moon. Even if the only purpose of this moon base were the production of Hellium-3, it would still be a very profitable goal. However inhabiting the moon will only be our first step towards sending humans to the outer limits of our galaxy.



Wednesday, December 01, 2004




Chop Chop

So I'm on the phone yesterday with the Managing Director of my work and we're talking about having a Vasectomy.

Now there's a sentence you don't hear every day. But yes I was talking to my Managing Director about having the chop. I've never tried to hide the fact that I now shoot blanks and have even gone to the extent of describing the entire thing in detail for anyone who is planning on getting one.

But I suppose yesterday was the first time I had ever done so over the phone while sitting on a packed Sydney commuter train. How did that come about? I'm glad you asked.

I suppose it was caused by the sort of attitude that pervades you as 5pm rolls up. All your thoughts are geared towards getting home, getting to the train on time or getting in position on the platform so you increase your chances of getting a seat.

On top of all that, I was almost finished my book so you could say I was in a very goal orientated frame of mind. Distractions such big, fat, stinky blokes sitting next to me or what anyone else thought of what I was doing or saying becoming irrelevant.

So I got off the phone and noticed that a few people were looking at me strangely. Could it have been their simple annoyance at me for talking on my mobile on the train? Or was it possibly something to do with the fact that they would have heard me use such choice phrases as;

"Mate having the chop is the best thing you'll ever do" or "Yeah the pain is minimal especially when you are trying your damndest not to get a hard-on while the nurses hold your dick".

I might have to start travelling in a different train carriage from now on.



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