Monday, November 14, 2005 |
The Counting of the Three. Taming Rouge States and kids in shopping centres.
"And the LORD spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, is counted, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
You really have to watch Michael Palin deliver that but in both cases, they can be used very effectively. Use them incorrectly and they can cause a lot more trouble than they fix.
I assume the consequences of improper handgrenade usage are obvious to most people. The results following incorrect use of the magic 1...2...3 tactic however can only be only appreciated by the experienced parent. Basically as with any threat, you have to be willing to back it up or your child is going to very quickly realise you are as toothless as the United Nations no matter what your threaten them with. Get yourself into that situation and your little angels are going to act like Iran or North Korea every time you step out of the house.
"Put that lolly down. We're not buying it today." OR "Stop enriching uranium, you're not allowed to do that."
"Put it down or you're going to be in BIG trouble" OR "Dismantle your nuclear weapons making facilities or we're going to impose sanctions"
"One...twooooo....if I get to three you're in VERY BIG trouble mister....THREE!!" OR (you have to picture Koffi Anan saying this) "One...twooooo...don't make me fly down there and begin bilateral negotiations...THREE!!"
It doesn't really matter what you use to back this up, no ice cream after dinner, sent to their room, Aircraft Carrier parked outside their Capital, just as long as you follow through with it and they know what it is with out having to be told because of what happened to them last time they did it.
Once you have that part down, you can then step up to some more advanced variations of this technique. In fact once you get good enough at it you can stop them in their tracks no matter how many lollies line the shelves with just a look and three fingers held up, slowly counting down to zero.
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What do you think when you hear the phrase one...twooooo...Don't let me get to three...THREE!! Brings back the memories huh?
If you're a parent you've probably already applied this staple of discipline at home, a shopping centre or where ever else your little hellion(s) are causing a scene.
If you're a Monty Python fan, you may associate it with the employment of the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch. This is the classic scene where Brother Maynard reads from the Holy Book of Armaments ; |
You really have to watch Michael Palin deliver that but in both cases, they can be used very effectively. Use them incorrectly and they can cause a lot more trouble than they fix.
I assume the consequences of improper handgrenade usage are obvious to most people. The results following incorrect use of the magic 1...2...3 tactic however can only be only appreciated by the experienced parent. Basically as with any threat, you have to be willing to back it up or your child is going to very quickly realise you are as toothless as the United Nations no matter what your threaten them with. Get yourself into that situation and your little angels are going to act like Iran or North Korea every time you step out of the house.
"Put that lolly down. We're not buying it today." OR "Stop enriching uranium, you're not allowed to do that."
"Put it down or you're going to be in BIG trouble" OR "Dismantle your nuclear weapons making facilities or we're going to impose sanctions"
"One...twooooo....if I get to three you're in VERY BIG trouble mister....THREE!!" OR (you have to picture Koffi Anan saying this) "One...twooooo...don't make me fly down there and begin bilateral negotiations...THREE!!"
It doesn't really matter what you use to back this up, no ice cream after dinner, sent to their room, Aircraft Carrier parked outside their Capital, just as long as you follow through with it and they know what it is with out having to be told because of what happened to them last time they did it.
Once you have that part down, you can then step up to some more advanced variations of this technique. In fact once you get good enough at it you can stop them in their tracks no matter how many lollies line the shelves with just a look and three fingers held up, slowly counting down to zero.
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