Friday, March 26, 2004 |
Afraid of Public Liability?
You have nothing on the Blackburn Local Council in north-west England.
Apparently they have banned people from doing backstroke in their council pool because they are too afraid of people running into each other.
"We would expect that people would be concerned for their own safety as well as that of others and we are being proactive in introducing these rules." said Kate Hollern, an executive on the council.
Keep up the good work Kate.
Blackburn Council - Thinking for you since 1992.
You have nothing on the Blackburn Local Council in north-west England.
Apparently they have banned people from doing backstroke in their council pool because they are too afraid of people running into each other.
"We would expect that people would be concerned for their own safety as well as that of others and we are being proactive in introducing these rules." said Kate Hollern, an executive on the council.
Keep up the good work Kate.
Blackburn Council - Thinking for you since 1992.
Monday, March 22, 2004 |
The end is nigh
Well at least for Reality Television it is.
The first chop of the axe in what will surely be many to follow has come down on reality television with Channel Ten's dropping of The Resort.
Finally realising that there is only a limited audience for this unscripted nonsense, Ten have decided to can the show fronted by John Stevens but will actually continue to run the resort in an effort to recoup the $5million they are still behind by.
Hopefully, this first domino will cause the downfall of the rest of the pack.
Well at least for Reality Television it is.
The first chop of the axe in what will surely be many to follow has come down on reality television with Channel Ten's dropping of The Resort.
Finally realising that there is only a limited audience for this unscripted nonsense, Ten have decided to can the show fronted by John Stevens but will actually continue to run the resort in an effort to recoup the $5million they are still behind by.
Hopefully, this first domino will cause the downfall of the rest of the pack.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004 |
Why is the Blue Tongue Lizard eating Poo Daddy?
This was not one of the questions I had steeled myself for.
Sure I am preparing myself for "Where do babies come from" and "Why do boys have a willy and girls don't?" but I was at a loss to answer this one.
Like many Australian backyards, we have a big fat Blue Tongue Lizard that lounges around and occasionally takes a snail or two from the garden in between sunning itself in the bricks.
As he made his appearance today, I took the boys out to look at him. It was then that I had the bright idea of finding a snail for him to eat so the boys could watch.
After looking around for a while I found one of the bastards hiding under a leaf and placed it about 20cm in front of the Blue Tongue. About 10 seconds later and he was snapping it up hungrily to the delight of all while we eagerly watched on.
We gave it another go and he ate it just as quickly. Seemingly having had enough of our hospitality, he decided to move off back to where ever he moves off to. As he was walking along however he walked past a piece of dog crap that had escaped my usually vigilant anti dog crap routine.
As I looked on in disgusted amazement, he went all out devouring this piece of crap like he was in a German Porno.
My oldest boy puzzled by the Blue Tongue's actions asked;
"Why did the lizard eat the poo Daddy?"
"I don't know son, I don't know"
This was not one of the questions I had steeled myself for.
Sure I am preparing myself for "Where do babies come from" and "Why do boys have a willy and girls don't?" but I was at a loss to answer this one.
Like many Australian backyards, we have a big fat Blue Tongue Lizard that lounges around and occasionally takes a snail or two from the garden in between sunning itself in the bricks.
As he made his appearance today, I took the boys out to look at him. It was then that I had the bright idea of finding a snail for him to eat so the boys could watch.
After looking around for a while I found one of the bastards hiding under a leaf and placed it about 20cm in front of the Blue Tongue. About 10 seconds later and he was snapping it up hungrily to the delight of all while we eagerly watched on.
We gave it another go and he ate it just as quickly. Seemingly having had enough of our hospitality, he decided to move off back to where ever he moves off to. As he was walking along however he walked past a piece of dog crap that had escaped my usually vigilant anti dog crap routine.
As I looked on in disgusted amazement, he went all out devouring this piece of crap like he was in a German Porno.
My oldest boy puzzled by the Blue Tongue's actions asked;
"Why did the lizard eat the poo Daddy?"
"I don't know son, I don't know"
Tuesday, March 16, 2004 |
Disturbing Find
Yesterday, as I do every 10 weeks I gave blood.
Giving blood in the city is quite a nice experience as they put on a lunch for you afterwards. It still takes a full hour to get through it all but it's still good to do.
The only problem I have with it all is the amount of water you are supposed to drink before hand.
Basically they tell you to drink a lot of water hours before you come so that your veins are nice and fat. Of course as everyone knows, if you drink like a fish, you end up pissing like a racehorse.
Every morning before I give blood sees me spending most of my time in either the kitchen at work throwing the water down or in the dunny getting rid of it all.
It was in going through this ritual yesterday morning that I found something quite disturbing in the dunny at work.
As I urgently walked up to the urinal and went to town, I looked down and saw that there were biscuit crumbs in the urinal!
At first this threw me as food crumbs in the toilet are totally out of context, kind of like seeing Sylvester Stallone accepting an Academy Award.
Then the more I thought about it, the worse it became as it obviously meant that someone was either eating a cookie while taking a wizz or they have a serious medical condition that needs urgent attention.
Will the wonders of the Male Public Toilet never cease?
Yesterday, as I do every 10 weeks I gave blood.
Giving blood in the city is quite a nice experience as they put on a lunch for you afterwards. It still takes a full hour to get through it all but it's still good to do.
The only problem I have with it all is the amount of water you are supposed to drink before hand.
Basically they tell you to drink a lot of water hours before you come so that your veins are nice and fat. Of course as everyone knows, if you drink like a fish, you end up pissing like a racehorse.
Every morning before I give blood sees me spending most of my time in either the kitchen at work throwing the water down or in the dunny getting rid of it all.
It was in going through this ritual yesterday morning that I found something quite disturbing in the dunny at work.
As I urgently walked up to the urinal and went to town, I looked down and saw that there were biscuit crumbs in the urinal!
At first this threw me as food crumbs in the toilet are totally out of context, kind of like seeing Sylvester Stallone accepting an Academy Award.
Then the more I thought about it, the worse it became as it obviously meant that someone was either eating a cookie while taking a wizz or they have a serious medical condition that needs urgent attention.
Will the wonders of the Male Public Toilet never cease?
Saturday, March 13, 2004 |
Old McDonald had a farm
Ever wanted to know what your kids really think of you?
Today I got it right from the horse's mouth while we sang a rousing rendition of "Old McDonald had a farm".
After we had established that Old McDonald indeed had a cow and a horse and a dog and a pig and a chicken, it was decided that on that farm he also had a Daddy.
The ensuing song went a little something like this.
Ok, ok, I get the hint.
Ever wanted to know what your kids really think of you?
Today I got it right from the horse's mouth while we sang a rousing rendition of "Old McDonald had a farm".
After we had established that Old McDonald indeed had a cow and a horse and a dog and a pig and a chicken, it was decided that on that farm he also had a Daddy.
The ensuing song went a little something like this.
|
"Old McDonald had a farm, ee i ee i oh.
And on that farm he had a Daddy, ee i ee i oh. With a fart fart here and a fart fart there Here a fart, there a fart, everywhere a fart fart Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i oh" |
Ok, ok, I get the hint.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004 |
Smile, it's broken
If you're not in the room at the time, there is not much you can do when your kids hurt themselves apart from "kiss it better".
When this happens, the very first thing they are going to do, even before they start to cry, is look up at you for your reaction. The trick comes in suppressing your normal parental reaction to them being hurt (especially so for Mothers).
Instead of rushing over there with kisses and hugs of sympathy and comfort at the ready, you need to put on the happiest, most delighted face you have.
Whilst this may sounds a little sadistic, it actually works. When they look up and see you smiling like Ronald McDonald after a tab of Ecstasy, they will usually forget the fact that their knee hurts and a lot of the time they'll even think it's funny.
So next time your little one falls off their bike, garden wall or roof, just remember to put on a happy face.
N.B. No children were hurt or injured during the writing of this article.
If you're not in the room at the time, there is not much you can do when your kids hurt themselves apart from "kiss it better".
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Unbeknownst to most people without kids however, there is a simple trick you can do that will usually turn a normally painful fall or scrape into a fun event.
If ever you are out the back with them whilst they ride their bikes or run around in the yard, a fall, a scrape, a poke or a jab is going to befall at least one of them. |
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When this happens, the very first thing they are going to do, even before they start to cry, is look up at you for your reaction. The trick comes in suppressing your normal parental reaction to them being hurt (especially so for Mothers).
Instead of rushing over there with kisses and hugs of sympathy and comfort at the ready, you need to put on the happiest, most delighted face you have.
Whilst this may sounds a little sadistic, it actually works. When they look up and see you smiling like Ronald McDonald after a tab of Ecstasy, they will usually forget the fact that their knee hurts and a lot of the time they'll even think it's funny.
So next time your little one falls off their bike, garden wall or roof, just remember to put on a happy face.
N.B. No children were hurt or injured during the writing of this article.
Monday, March 08, 2004 |
Are you forced to wear your Wife's panties?
Apparently there are quite a number of people who are forced to wear their Wife's panties or at least there are a lot of you searching for pictures of people who are forced to wear them.
Since I mention children and families a fair bit, I have been loath to put up a post on the weird and wonderful (but mostly weird) Google hits I get here.
I thought today I would make an exception after reading The Spin Starts Here this morning.
I like to think I am a compassionate person. I hate to think that so many people are leaving this site disappointed that they could not find what they were so desperately looking for. Even if they are sitting at their computers in a pair of cotton tails that are desperately stretched at the seems.
So guys, check out today's post from Caz.
Sadly for all you people searching on "Adults who wear nappies" and other sick stuff, you will need to see the Jerry Springer show.
Note to Caz,
Sorry if the horde of silk and nylon clad blokes are now suddenly filling up your referral lists.
Apparently there are quite a number of people who are forced to wear their Wife's panties or at least there are a lot of you searching for pictures of people who are forced to wear them.
Since I mention children and families a fair bit, I have been loath to put up a post on the weird and wonderful (but mostly weird) Google hits I get here.
I thought today I would make an exception after reading The Spin Starts Here this morning.
I like to think I am a compassionate person. I hate to think that so many people are leaving this site disappointed that they could not find what they were so desperately looking for. Even if they are sitting at their computers in a pair of cotton tails that are desperately stretched at the seems.
So guys, check out today's post from Caz.
Sadly for all you people searching on "Adults who wear nappies" and other sick stuff, you will need to see the Jerry Springer show.
Note to Caz,
Sorry if the horde of silk and nylon clad blokes are now suddenly filling up your referral lists.
