Friday, January 30, 2004 |
Not everyone is a Numb Nut
Even in this age of Bible Bashing Nudists, Pot growing Priests and Foul mouthed Parrots, my faith in humanity still exists.
Standing in line at the supermarket this morning, I was confronted with a 15 min wait no matter which queue I joined.
Having only one item to buy, I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to wait behind every fully laden trolley in front of me. To make this worse, I was buying ice cream.
Then out of the blue, as the lovely lady in front of my finished stacking her groceries on the little conveyer belt, she asked me if I would like to go in front of her since I only had one thing.
We're not doomed yet.
Even in this age of Bible Bashing Nudists, Pot growing Priests and Foul mouthed Parrots, my faith in humanity still exists.
Standing in line at the supermarket this morning, I was confronted with a 15 min wait no matter which queue I joined.
Having only one item to buy, I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to wait behind every fully laden trolley in front of me. To make this worse, I was buying ice cream.
Then out of the blue, as the lovely lady in front of my finished stacking her groceries on the little conveyer belt, she asked me if I would like to go in front of her since I only had one thing.
We're not doomed yet.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 |
Who's ready for some Reality TV?
The last week in January consistently brings us a number of things every year.
The most notable of these harbingers of the new year are; a hang over from Australia Day celebrations, the clogging of our public transport system with school kids whose bags seem to grow larger and more difficult to navigate every year and lastly the return of the ratings period on television.
There maybe light at the end of the tunnel however. Whilst this barrage of crap may be a little difficult to swallow for the moment, I would predict that by the time we have endured this attack, Reality TV will have been so flogged to death and have such a bad name that it will be a long, long time before we see anything like them again.
Well we can hope anyway.
The last week in January consistently brings us a number of things every year.
The most notable of these harbingers of the new year are; a hang over from Australia Day celebrations, the clogging of our public transport system with school kids whose bags seem to grow larger and more difficult to navigate every year and lastly the return of the ratings period on television.
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The difference in this year's crop of new programs is a startling similarity in almost every single new show billed to start this February. It would seem that almost every show coming out this year is going to be a "Reality" show.
In fact it seems that there will be more "Reality Television" than you can poke a Neilson ratings box at. Almost as if some sort of script writers union has announced a season long strike. If my memory serves me correctly, the line up of these cheap, scriptless and actorless programs will include; |
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There maybe light at the end of the tunnel however. Whilst this barrage of crap may be a little difficult to swallow for the moment, I would predict that by the time we have endured this attack, Reality TV will have been so flogged to death and have such a bad name that it will be a long, long time before we see anything like them again.
Well we can hope anyway.
Thursday, January 22, 2004 |
Rubbing it in
I just thought I would rub in the fact that I am sitting at home watching Australian V India at the SCG while everyone else is at work.
Oh and I just got an email from my wife who said she was picking up a carton of beer on her way home from work.
That is all.
I just thought I would rub in the fact that I am sitting at home watching Australian V India at the SCG while everyone else is at work.
Oh and I just got an email from my wife who said she was picking up a carton of beer on her way home from work.
That is all.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 |
I'm not the only one who sees it!
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See I'm not the only one who sees the rampant sexual tension on Bob the Builder between Bob and Wendy.
Today someone reached this site via a Yahoo search query of Bob the Builder +sexual tension +Wendy |
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 |
Please not while I'm at work
Oh not much just trying to get things done before lunch.
Yeah I know I saw it there on the bench but I forgot to pick it up as I was walking out this morning.
I know, I'm sorry. I'll just pick up something small up the shops for lunch.
No I'll probly just get a sandwhich or something small.
Ok well I'll see you tonight.
So do I.
You know I do.... please don't make me say it at work.
Ok ok I'll make it up to you later I promise
Ok I gotta go.
Ok bye
click
ring ring, ring ring
"Hello.
Oh hi mate, yeah good thanks.
Yeah I'm at work.
Yeah I can't get into it either.
I reckon if you don't get into the baggy green before 9:30 your fucked.
Mate they've got no chance of getting that total.
Yeah I was there last night. Got absolutley para. Don't know how I came in this morning."
Yeah it sucks there is no beer wenches any more.
Yeah me and the other guys will be heading up the pub for a big lunch and a few bevs. You want to come?
Ok I'll see ya on Saturday then.
Ok see ya."
click
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The following phone conversations are typical of a guy answering his phone at work on a Friday morning.
One caller is his best mate and the other is his wife. Can you guess which one? ring ring, ring ring "Hello. Oh hi. |
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Yeah I know I saw it there on the bench but I forgot to pick it up as I was walking out this morning.
I know, I'm sorry. I'll just pick up something small up the shops for lunch.
No I'll probly just get a sandwhich or something small.
Ok well I'll see you tonight.
So do I.
You know I do.... please don't make me say it at work.
Ok ok I'll make it up to you later I promise
Ok I gotta go.
Ok bye
click
ring ring, ring ring
"Hello.
Oh hi mate, yeah good thanks.
Yeah I'm at work.
Yeah I can't get into it either.
I reckon if you don't get into the baggy green before 9:30 your fucked.
Mate they've got no chance of getting that total.
Yeah I was there last night. Got absolutley para. Don't know how I came in this morning."
Yeah it sucks there is no beer wenches any more.
Yeah me and the other guys will be heading up the pub for a big lunch and a few bevs. You want to come?
Ok I'll see ya on Saturday then.
Ok see ya."
click
Friday, January 16, 2004 |
The Australian Web Log Awards
This Australia Day (26th Jan for non Australians) will see the voting close for the Australian Web Log Awards.
There are many catagories for which a site can be nominated so please go along to this page and request a voting form.
Good luck to all us nominees
This Australia Day (26th Jan for non Australians) will see the voting close for the Australian Web Log Awards.
There are many catagories for which a site can be nominated so please go along to this page and request a voting form.
Good luck to all us nominees
Monday, January 12, 2004 |
Control of the remote control
Every night across Australia and indeed most likely across the entire Western World, a silent battle rages on between those that have power and those that have not.
This is not power over the military, the power to write legislation or even the power to enforce it.
It is the control of the television remote. The ability to hold supreme command of the plastic covered infra red device that governs the switching from Doctor Who to the News to the Simpsons or to what ever crap they are playing on SBS.
Usually the person with the most power in the relationship will be the first to pick up the remote and start flicking around. If this is the women (i.e. the guy is seriously pussy whipped) then any thoughts of watching the Australia v India Day/Night match are dashed and the poor guy will have to console himself with highlights from the morning news.
If it is the guy who picks up the "wand of power" then the poor girlfriend better like cricket or have a good book to read 'cause that game is going on until midnight.
Another interesting point to notice when a guy picks up the remote is how he holds it. This is also especially so when he is watching the cricket.
Generally the best seating position for watching cricket on TV is to be slouching back as far as possible with the more lounge real estate taken up the better. This also makes it a lot harder for anyone to depose you from your lofty position of President of the Remote Control and risk missing the 10 seconds of action that sometimes happens during a 5 day cricket match. While positioned for comfort and for the long haul like this, the guy will have his hand gripped around the remote, which will be sitting in his lap.
If you look closely you may find that the way in which the hand is wrapped around the remote and the location it is in, reminds of you of another pastime guys partake of by themselves.
Well at least so I have been told.
Every night across Australia and indeed most likely across the entire Western World, a silent battle rages on between those that have power and those that have not.
This is not power over the military, the power to write legislation or even the power to enforce it.
It is the control of the television remote. The ability to hold supreme command of the plastic covered infra red device that governs the switching from Doctor Who to the News to the Simpsons or to what ever crap they are playing on SBS.
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The control of the remote is also a useful barometer to examine the pecking order that exists inside every household.
For example, in most households it is common that the Father (traditional head of the family) has the remote control, usually to the anguish of the younger members of the family who will typically retire to their rooms rather than sit through another episode of the 7:30 report. In other situations however the real relationship between couples can be gauged, depending on how they share the control of the remote control. Lets take the example of an unmarried couple with no kids. After they have finished dinner, they will most likely depart to the lounge room to watch some TV. That is if they were not already sitting on the lounge while eating their dinner. |
Usually the person with the most power in the relationship will be the first to pick up the remote and start flicking around. If this is the women (i.e. the guy is seriously pussy whipped) then any thoughts of watching the Australia v India Day/Night match are dashed and the poor guy will have to console himself with highlights from the morning news.
If it is the guy who picks up the "wand of power" then the poor girlfriend better like cricket or have a good book to read 'cause that game is going on until midnight.
Another interesting point to notice when a guy picks up the remote is how he holds it. This is also especially so when he is watching the cricket.
Generally the best seating position for watching cricket on TV is to be slouching back as far as possible with the more lounge real estate taken up the better. This also makes it a lot harder for anyone to depose you from your lofty position of President of the Remote Control and risk missing the 10 seconds of action that sometimes happens during a 5 day cricket match. While positioned for comfort and for the long haul like this, the guy will have his hand gripped around the remote, which will be sitting in his lap.
If you look closely you may find that the way in which the hand is wrapped around the remote and the location it is in, reminds of you of another pastime guys partake of by themselves.
Well at least so I have been told.
Saturday, January 10, 2004 |
And so it is Easter
It is human nature to procrastinate. When you procrastinate over buying your Christmas presents it causes a lot of problems.
After suffering the ordeal of elbowing their way through Christmas Eve crowds, desperately trying to fulfil their gift obligations in the last remaining shopping hours before Santa comes, a lot of people start to think;
"Maybe I should get a head start on my Easter shopping so I don't have to go through that nightmare again in a few months."
So off they go, fulfilling their Easter egg obligations to friends and family with the terror of Christmas shopping still fresh in their minds.
It is true that getting all your egg shopping done in January gives you an overall sense of well being and the thought that maybe this year will be different.
"I'm going to stop putting things off and just get in and get things done." you think. Then you pack your 20kgs of aluminium foil covered chocolate in the cupboard, dust your hands off and think; "All done".
And so it sits there, kilos of chocolate right there in your cupboard. As January passes into February and you finally stop being full from your ridiculously large Christmas dinner, the eggs begin to radiate their chocolaty goodness through out your bedroom or where ever else you have them shacked up.
You now find that you can't walk into that room without inhaling the intoxicating aroma of "Easter Egg chocolate". Still you resist the temptation to eat "just one".
The onset of March brings with it shorter days, cooler nights and an increase in the power of the eggs. The sweet scent of chocolate that wafts through out the house is now a force of immense power. It works itself into your waking thoughts, whispering to you while you sit on the lounge watching TV after dinner;
"Go ahead. Eat just one. It's only the beginning of March, plenty of time to buy another one to replace it"
And so it is that all but those of uncanny strength give in to silent murmurs of the eggs that lay hidden in the cupboard. The problem of course is that once the first cracks appear in the dam wall, once the first egg is unwrapped and eaten that late night watching TV, the consumption of more foil encased goodies will surely follow night after night until one day you look up at the calendar and realise that it will be Easter in a few days and you have eaten all the eggs you bought in January.
So it comes to pass that the end of March/start of April (whenever Easter happens to fall that year) sees you running around the shops elbowing your way through the crowds, desperately trying to find chocolate for everyone who will be doing the very same for you.
It also sees the supermarkets start to think that maybe they should have their Easter Eggs out all year round.
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And so it is Easter
And what have you done With Christmas just over Eggs out on January 1 As has been the tradition for the last couple of years, the large supermarket chains have been trundling out the Easter eggs and other related goodies the day after they take down their Christmas decorations. The reason behind this is people getting an early start on their Easter shopping. |
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It is human nature to procrastinate. When you procrastinate over buying your Christmas presents it causes a lot of problems.
After suffering the ordeal of elbowing their way through Christmas Eve crowds, desperately trying to fulfil their gift obligations in the last remaining shopping hours before Santa comes, a lot of people start to think;
"Maybe I should get a head start on my Easter shopping so I don't have to go through that nightmare again in a few months."
So off they go, fulfilling their Easter egg obligations to friends and family with the terror of Christmas shopping still fresh in their minds.
It is true that getting all your egg shopping done in January gives you an overall sense of well being and the thought that maybe this year will be different.
"I'm going to stop putting things off and just get in and get things done." you think. Then you pack your 20kgs of aluminium foil covered chocolate in the cupboard, dust your hands off and think; "All done".
And so it sits there, kilos of chocolate right there in your cupboard. As January passes into February and you finally stop being full from your ridiculously large Christmas dinner, the eggs begin to radiate their chocolaty goodness through out your bedroom or where ever else you have them shacked up.
You now find that you can't walk into that room without inhaling the intoxicating aroma of "Easter Egg chocolate". Still you resist the temptation to eat "just one".
The onset of March brings with it shorter days, cooler nights and an increase in the power of the eggs. The sweet scent of chocolate that wafts through out the house is now a force of immense power. It works itself into your waking thoughts, whispering to you while you sit on the lounge watching TV after dinner;
"Go ahead. Eat just one. It's only the beginning of March, plenty of time to buy another one to replace it"
And so it is that all but those of uncanny strength give in to silent murmurs of the eggs that lay hidden in the cupboard. The problem of course is that once the first cracks appear in the dam wall, once the first egg is unwrapped and eaten that late night watching TV, the consumption of more foil encased goodies will surely follow night after night until one day you look up at the calendar and realise that it will be Easter in a few days and you have eaten all the eggs you bought in January.
So it comes to pass that the end of March/start of April (whenever Easter happens to fall that year) sees you running around the shops elbowing your way through the crowds, desperately trying to find chocolate for everyone who will be doing the very same for you.
It also sees the supermarkets start to think that maybe they should have their Easter Eggs out all year round.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004 |
Were you secretly attracted to Tripitaka?
The first of these being one of the major contributors to school yard violence and attempted martial arts related injuries. Just ask anyone who has worked in an emergency ward how many kids they have admitted after being hit in the head with 2m sticks like Monkey uses to fight off the evil spirits and monsters in the show.
The Second thing Monkey Magic is known for is the forbidden attraction many of us had for Tripitaka the Buddhist Preist (pictured above in the white and yellow robes)
In the show they never really say wether the charater is a man or a woman and being school kids we weren't to know that there are no female Buddhist Preists. For this reason it was always rather confusing to watch the show and find yourself strangley attracted to this preist while at teh same time trying to figure out if it was a guy or a girl.
Well for all the guys out there who have been holding a secret shame for so many years, I have both GOOD News and BAD News.
The BAD News is that the charater is a guy. As I stated before, there are no female Buddhist Priests.
The GOOD News is that the person who played Tripitaka is actually a women. In fact she was quite a famous actress and model in Japan. Her name is Masako Natsume (Her real name is Masako Odate). Sadly however she died on September 11 1985, aged 27, just over 6 years after finishing work on Monkey.
She is still extremely popular in Japan and her image is still used to this day to sell enourmous amounts of product.
So breathe a sigh of relief all you blokes who for all these years have been fretting that you were attracted to a beautiful guy. It was in fact a beautiful woman.
Now go watch the end of the Cricket.
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Born from an egg on a mountain top,
The punkiest Monkey that ever popped, He knew every magic trick under the sun, To tease the gods And everyone can have some fun. Monkey magic, Monkey magic, Monkey magic, Monkey magic, Monkey magic, Monkey magic ooh! Magic Monkey used to be staple after school viewing back in the day. Usually on at around 5pm, this Japanese classic would dish out 30 mins of violence and amusing Elnglish overdubbing in heavy Japanese accents. The story line went that Monkey (King of the Monkeys), Tripitaka (a Buddhist Priest), Pigsy (a Pig Spirit) and Sandy (a water spirit) all travelled from China to India to retrieve some Buddhist scriptures from a temnple there. The show is universaly known for two things. |
The first of these being one of the major contributors to school yard violence and attempted martial arts related injuries. Just ask anyone who has worked in an emergency ward how many kids they have admitted after being hit in the head with 2m sticks like Monkey uses to fight off the evil spirits and monsters in the show.
The Second thing Monkey Magic is known for is the forbidden attraction many of us had for Tripitaka the Buddhist Preist (pictured above in the white and yellow robes)
In the show they never really say wether the charater is a man or a woman and being school kids we weren't to know that there are no female Buddhist Preists. For this reason it was always rather confusing to watch the show and find yourself strangley attracted to this preist while at teh same time trying to figure out if it was a guy or a girl.
Well for all the guys out there who have been holding a secret shame for so many years, I have both GOOD News and BAD News.
The BAD News is that the charater is a guy. As I stated before, there are no female Buddhist Priests.
The GOOD News is that the person who played Tripitaka is actually a women. In fact she was quite a famous actress and model in Japan. Her name is Masako Natsume (Her real name is Masako Odate). Sadly however she died on September 11 1985, aged 27, just over 6 years after finishing work on Monkey.
She is still extremely popular in Japan and her image is still used to this day to sell enourmous amounts of product.
So breathe a sigh of relief all you blokes who for all these years have been fretting that you were attracted to a beautiful guy. It was in fact a beautiful woman.
Now go watch the end of the Cricket.
Monday, January 05, 2004 |
The Footy Hill Show
Spending this Christmas at my Wife's parents place had the added benefit of access to Foxtel.
Now whilst I will admit most of the stuff on Foxtel is a load of crap, (usually 30 year old crap at that) there are some interesting things on there from time to time.
This is especially so when contrasted against Free to Air television at Christmas time.
When watching Foxtel I will usually stick to about 4 different channels being Discovery, National Geographic, Music Maxx if they have on something about a band I like and the History/Hitler channel.
As the show went on the parallels between The Benny Hill Show and Paul "Fatty" Vautin from the Footy Show grew more startling.
For those of you not familiar with the National Rugby League version of the Footy Show, let me draw you a picture.
On one hand we have an hour long show packed full of grown men prancing around in dresses, making funny faces, spouting line after line of sexual innuendo and the occasional glimpse of scantily clad young women.
The other is the Benny Hill Show.
After you draw the connection you can clearly see that little head waggle that Vautin does - Stolen from Benny.
The way that most of the Footy Show sketches have no actual dialogue and instead rely on a series of funny faces, noises of sexually suggestive poses - Stolen from Benny
Paul "Fatty" Vautin's facial features - Stolen from Benny
I suppose it goes to show that whilst we still have footy players regardless of the code, there will always be a market for guys in dresses making jokes about each other's sexual preferences.
If Benny has passed the torch onto Fatty, who shall bear it next?
Spending this Christmas at my Wife's parents place had the added benefit of access to Foxtel.
Now whilst I will admit most of the stuff on Foxtel is a load of crap, (usually 30 year old crap at that) there are some interesting things on there from time to time.
This is especially so when contrasted against Free to Air television at Christmas time.
When watching Foxtel I will usually stick to about 4 different channels being Discovery, National Geographic, Music Maxx if they have on something about a band I like and the History/Hitler channel.
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The Free to Air side of the coin however would be forcing the choices of A Very Ray Martin Christmas or the age old battle of religion trying to wrestle the attention of children and adults alike away from Santa and Presents.
Sadly I was not in possession of the remote control however so one afternoon saw us watching UKTV as we sheltered in the comfort of air conditioning from the ridiculously hot temperatures outside. For anyone not familiar with Foxtel's UKTV channel, they basically only have 3 shows. Firstly the Bill, Secondly East Enders and thirdly The Benny Hill Show. I've seen the Benny Hill Show once or twice before when I was younger but when Benny came on for his first sketch in a dress along with 2 other old guys also dressed in frocks I thought, "What is Fatty Vautin doing on the Benny Hill Show?" |
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As the show went on the parallels between The Benny Hill Show and Paul "Fatty" Vautin from the Footy Show grew more startling.
For those of you not familiar with the National Rugby League version of the Footy Show, let me draw you a picture.
On one hand we have an hour long show packed full of grown men prancing around in dresses, making funny faces, spouting line after line of sexual innuendo and the occasional glimpse of scantily clad young women.
The other is the Benny Hill Show.
After you draw the connection you can clearly see that little head waggle that Vautin does - Stolen from Benny.
The way that most of the Footy Show sketches have no actual dialogue and instead rely on a series of funny faces, noises of sexually suggestive poses - Stolen from Benny
Paul "Fatty" Vautin's facial features - Stolen from Benny
I suppose it goes to show that whilst we still have footy players regardless of the code, there will always be a market for guys in dresses making jokes about each other's sexual preferences.
If Benny has passed the torch onto Fatty, who shall bear it next?
