Wednesday, October 22, 2003 |
The Pickles at McDonald's
There are two kinds of people in this world.
Those that like the pickles in the burgers at McDonald's and those that feel the only fit purpose for these green circles of vinegar soaked slime is to be flung on the ceiling of the McDonald's "restaurant" you happen to be in at the time.
I for one am in the ceiling flinging camp.
I have done a search for instruction on how to properly fling your pickle onto the ceiling but have as yet found naught.
I therefore include the following instruction on how to get that disgusting little green thing from your burger to the ceiling in a very inconspicuous yet efficient manner.
1. Get that sucker out of your burger ASAP. Every second it stays in there only serves to increase its foul influence on the rest of your meal.
2. Lay the burger wrapper out flat on the table and smooth it as much as possible.
3. Place the pickle in the very centre of the wrapper. This is very important. Do it without the proper care and you risk a pickle related injury to yourself or someone you love.
4. Move your chair out from the table so that the distance between your stomach and the table is a close approximation to the width of the wrapper.
5. Place the pickle laden wrapper in your lap and the grab it fairly tightly on to each end, rasing it about 7cm above your lap.
6. Bring your hands together until there is about a 10cm gap between them and then snap them back very quickly.
7. If done properly that repulsive little pickle will reach launch velocity and glue itself to the ceiling with out too much noise or notice. Failing to observe these steps thoroughly however may see an embarrassing sideways launch and the collateral damage that entails. Even worse than this would be a disastrous re entry of the pickle resulting in its landing on your head.
It is argued by many that the pickle is the only thing that gives McDonalds it flavour. To them I give this retort.
Any one who has a dog knows that they will eat just about anything. They are constantly scrounging for things to eat and always hanging around the kids waiting for them to drop some morsel of food on the floor. One thing they will not eat though is a pickle from McDonalds. They will however happily lick their own ass for hours on end.
There are two kinds of people in this world.
Those that like the pickles in the burgers at McDonald's and those that feel the only fit purpose for these green circles of vinegar soaked slime is to be flung on the ceiling of the McDonald's "restaurant" you happen to be in at the time.
I for one am in the ceiling flinging camp.
I have done a search for instruction on how to properly fling your pickle onto the ceiling but have as yet found naught.
I therefore include the following instruction on how to get that disgusting little green thing from your burger to the ceiling in a very inconspicuous yet efficient manner.
1. Get that sucker out of your burger ASAP. Every second it stays in there only serves to increase its foul influence on the rest of your meal.
2. Lay the burger wrapper out flat on the table and smooth it as much as possible.
3. Place the pickle in the very centre of the wrapper. This is very important. Do it without the proper care and you risk a pickle related injury to yourself or someone you love.
4. Move your chair out from the table so that the distance between your stomach and the table is a close approximation to the width of the wrapper.
5. Place the pickle laden wrapper in your lap and the grab it fairly tightly on to each end, rasing it about 7cm above your lap.
6. Bring your hands together until there is about a 10cm gap between them and then snap them back very quickly.
7. If done properly that repulsive little pickle will reach launch velocity and glue itself to the ceiling with out too much noise or notice. Failing to observe these steps thoroughly however may see an embarrassing sideways launch and the collateral damage that entails. Even worse than this would be a disastrous re entry of the pickle resulting in its landing on your head.
It is argued by many that the pickle is the only thing that gives McDonalds it flavour. To them I give this retort.
Any one who has a dog knows that they will eat just about anything. They are constantly scrounging for things to eat and always hanging around the kids waiting for them to drop some morsel of food on the floor. One thing they will not eat though is a pickle from McDonalds. They will however happily lick their own ass for hours on end.
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