Saturday, December 20, 2003 |
The best problem I have ever had
Yesterday I had the day to myself.
No Kids to look after, no Wife to look after, a car offering me total freedom and 34 degrees Celsius of Sunny Sydney Weather.
This circumstance confronted me with two choices. To go and do the weekend's shopping a day early and so avoid what would surely be an enormous battle amongst all those who have left their Christmas Shopping to the last weekend, or go to the beach.
There's no prize for guessing who won.
30 mins later I was slowly cruising the streets of Manly in my car looking for a car space like Hugh Grant down Hollywood Boulevard. Both looking for an empty space we could fill, but the one I found only cost me five dollars an hour.
Like most guys, I really hate paying for it but when you can't get anything else, you just have to.
As I looked for a spot to put my things down, I found that I was forced to choose to sit next to either a group of five barley clad school girls or a group of six barley clad school girls. All the guys had taken the high ground so as to gain a better position from which to leer.
This then became my worry. I was the only person on the entire beach over twenty years old (presumably because everyone post twenty was at work) and the beach was so overly crowded that I could not turn my head any whcih way, that did not have me looking directly at the scantily clothed body of a seventeen year old girl.
While I suppose if you could choose which problems you were faced with in life, this would be right up there with being forced to choose between a red or black Ferrari. My worry was however that I might look like some dirty old bloke leering at all the young girls as they paraded around in front of all the guys they were there with.
My solution to this was to hit the water. This as it turned out was not much better as the space between the flags was quite small due to the rough surf. This crowed everyone in so much so that it was getting difficult to move around in the ocean without knocking into anyone.
This being the case I made my way out past the breakers where I found a lot of other guys all facing back towards the beach instead of facing the ocean as is customary at the beach. As the next set of big rollers came in I saw why they were facing the way they were.
A combination of big waves breaking in shallow water, a general lack of surf skills in the girls and their close proximity to each other meant that they could not duck under most of the waves. This meant, as most girls who go to the beach will tell you, if you decide to go up over a big wave, your bikini top will decide to go down. Hence the row of guys all facing the beach.
So after spending about 2 hours in the water I decided to go home.
Got to the car, paid for my parking and drove home where once again, my problems were deciding wether to put a load of dark washing on first or the light coloured washing.
Yesterday I had the day to myself.
No Kids to look after, no Wife to look after, a car offering me total freedom and 34 degrees Celsius of Sunny Sydney Weather.
This circumstance confronted me with two choices. To go and do the weekend's shopping a day early and so avoid what would surely be an enormous battle amongst all those who have left their Christmas Shopping to the last weekend, or go to the beach.
There's no prize for guessing who won.
30 mins later I was slowly cruising the streets of Manly in my car looking for a car space like Hugh Grant down Hollywood Boulevard. Both looking for an empty space we could fill, but the one I found only cost me five dollars an hour.
Like most guys, I really hate paying for it but when you can't get anything else, you just have to.
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Walking up the Corso and arriving at the beach was like something out of the Twilight Zone combined with one of those American T & A movies. It seemed to me as I walked across the sand that I was the only one there over twenty.
It was the first day of Christmas School Holidays and the very hot weather had seemingly attracted every High School kid in Sydney to Manly beach. What's more, it looked as though they were having a competition to see who could wear the least amount of material on their body without exposing anything that under normal circumstances would only been seen when showering or in a strangers bedroom at a drunken end of year party. |
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As I looked for a spot to put my things down, I found that I was forced to choose to sit next to either a group of five barley clad school girls or a group of six barley clad school girls. All the guys had taken the high ground so as to gain a better position from which to leer.
This then became my worry. I was the only person on the entire beach over twenty years old (presumably because everyone post twenty was at work) and the beach was so overly crowded that I could not turn my head any whcih way, that did not have me looking directly at the scantily clothed body of a seventeen year old girl.
While I suppose if you could choose which problems you were faced with in life, this would be right up there with being forced to choose between a red or black Ferrari. My worry was however that I might look like some dirty old bloke leering at all the young girls as they paraded around in front of all the guys they were there with.
My solution to this was to hit the water. This as it turned out was not much better as the space between the flags was quite small due to the rough surf. This crowed everyone in so much so that it was getting difficult to move around in the ocean without knocking into anyone.
This being the case I made my way out past the breakers where I found a lot of other guys all facing back towards the beach instead of facing the ocean as is customary at the beach. As the next set of big rollers came in I saw why they were facing the way they were.
A combination of big waves breaking in shallow water, a general lack of surf skills in the girls and their close proximity to each other meant that they could not duck under most of the waves. This meant, as most girls who go to the beach will tell you, if you decide to go up over a big wave, your bikini top will decide to go down. Hence the row of guys all facing the beach.
So after spending about 2 hours in the water I decided to go home.
Got to the car, paid for my parking and drove home where once again, my problems were deciding wether to put a load of dark washing on first or the light coloured washing.
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