Friday, December 12, 2003 |
Childbirth from the Father's perspective Part II
Going through 9 months of pregnancy is sometimes very stressful on the Mother however it can also be very taxing on the Father to be.
Your role during those 40 weeks will go from the heady heights of Stud Pony Extraordinaire, to take on the job of Nurse, Cook, Cleaner and general support giver.
Then comes the big day. For some, it will arrive quite suddenly with the sudden "breaking of water" and the onset of contractions in the most unlikely place (I know someone who had this happen to them at the movies). Others will have to endure many drawn out days of false contractions, real contractions that start and then stop again together with many fruitless trips to the hospital only to be told that the best thing is to go home and come back when they are 5 mins apart.
So you've both spent the day sitting on the lounge with a stopwatch counting the minutes between contractions and finally the duration drops to five minutes. Time to waddle her into the car and get down to the hospital.
With a bit of luck you will be placed straight into delivery suite and so begins the final phase of the journey along with more than a few shocks for the Father.
It starts with the mother disrobing and putting on one of the good ol' hospital gowns that shows your ass when ever you walk anywhere. What happens next however will make you forget about your wife’s exposed bum quicker than Shane Warne can SMS a text message to a bar maid.
In will come the Mid Wife, up will go your wife's hospital gown followed quickly by the dreadful snap of latex gloves, a quick squirt of KY and the disappearance of two of the Mid Wife's fingers.
When you witness this for the first time, your chin may suffer some bruising after it hits the floor but let me tell you mate, you better get used to it pretty quickly as your little darling of a wife is going to have more men and women poking, prodding, inserting and viewing the business end in one day than you could possibly imagine.
The rest of the will day will pretty much proceed like a one day cricket match. About ten hours of boredom accentuated by the occasional excitement with the last 45 mins making all the difference.
These last 45 mins (sometimes it's actually hours and hours) will be some of the scariest you will ever experience. Concern for your wife and your unborn baby will consume you totally as you witness the intense pain she goes through and listen to the medical jargon being thrown around by everyone present.
Then you will see it. A natural birth will deliver the father a special gift. The privilege of being the first person to see your child. When you first see their little head is when it all starts to get really exciting (although to the mother it does not feel so little at the time). It is also the time when it can get very scary as it is the point in which the baby is under the most stress and the calls of the medical personal can be very worrying.
In my case it was especially worrying as both our boys experienced very rapid heart rates in this phase and both required resuscitation when they came out with the second actually having the cord wrapped around his little neck. Instead of a little pink thing screaming and wriggling I saw a purple barely moving body. My wife was not able to see it all having just given birth to a ten pound boy and the placenta still to come out but I watched on helpless as doctors and nurses rushed into the room with all sorts of devices and instruments in an attempt to breath life into him.
After a minute or two he started breathing and let out the most beautiful sound a parent can ever hear. His first cry. They brought him over to my wife and everything was fine.
For anyone who has not witnessed a birth in person, I will give you one word. Messy. It may seem strange but your average guy has seen what lay between a women’s legs many more times than a women and therefore has a certain picture of what things usually look like. This may change for you when you witness that object fulfilling its true purpose. It’s a stark contrast from the image you may hold of your wife or from that perfectly trimmed picture of a porn star that someone has sent around the office at work (or so my friends tell me).
After it's all over you will look upon your wife with a new respect but what about sex in the future? You may have trouble getting that image out of your mind and possibly even worry about it affecting your ability to perform. Rest assured that the 6 weeks or longer that you have to wait will more than take care of that.
Going through 9 months of pregnancy is sometimes very stressful on the Mother however it can also be very taxing on the Father to be.
Your role during those 40 weeks will go from the heady heights of Stud Pony Extraordinaire, to take on the job of Nurse, Cook, Cleaner and general support giver.
Then comes the big day. For some, it will arrive quite suddenly with the sudden "breaking of water" and the onset of contractions in the most unlikely place (I know someone who had this happen to them at the movies). Others will have to endure many drawn out days of false contractions, real contractions that start and then stop again together with many fruitless trips to the hospital only to be told that the best thing is to go home and come back when they are 5 mins apart.
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The first time you both have to go through this is usually the hardest as you won't know if the contractions are real, fake or just a result of a dodgy vindaloo from the night before.
This is especially true for the father as he can't feel anything except for the bruises in his hand if he has been unfortunate enough be holding the mother's hand while she has a contraction. Merely witnessing the effects of these painful spasms having no real idea of what they are like, is the beginning of what will be a day full of fear, excitement, embarrassment and sheer joy. |
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So you've both spent the day sitting on the lounge with a stopwatch counting the minutes between contractions and finally the duration drops to five minutes. Time to waddle her into the car and get down to the hospital.
With a bit of luck you will be placed straight into delivery suite and so begins the final phase of the journey along with more than a few shocks for the Father.
It starts with the mother disrobing and putting on one of the good ol' hospital gowns that shows your ass when ever you walk anywhere. What happens next however will make you forget about your wife’s exposed bum quicker than Shane Warne can SMS a text message to a bar maid.
In will come the Mid Wife, up will go your wife's hospital gown followed quickly by the dreadful snap of latex gloves, a quick squirt of KY and the disappearance of two of the Mid Wife's fingers.
When you witness this for the first time, your chin may suffer some bruising after it hits the floor but let me tell you mate, you better get used to it pretty quickly as your little darling of a wife is going to have more men and women poking, prodding, inserting and viewing the business end in one day than you could possibly imagine.
The rest of the will day will pretty much proceed like a one day cricket match. About ten hours of boredom accentuated by the occasional excitement with the last 45 mins making all the difference.
These last 45 mins (sometimes it's actually hours and hours) will be some of the scariest you will ever experience. Concern for your wife and your unborn baby will consume you totally as you witness the intense pain she goes through and listen to the medical jargon being thrown around by everyone present.
Then you will see it. A natural birth will deliver the father a special gift. The privilege of being the first person to see your child. When you first see their little head is when it all starts to get really exciting (although to the mother it does not feel so little at the time). It is also the time when it can get very scary as it is the point in which the baby is under the most stress and the calls of the medical personal can be very worrying.
In my case it was especially worrying as both our boys experienced very rapid heart rates in this phase and both required resuscitation when they came out with the second actually having the cord wrapped around his little neck. Instead of a little pink thing screaming and wriggling I saw a purple barely moving body. My wife was not able to see it all having just given birth to a ten pound boy and the placenta still to come out but I watched on helpless as doctors and nurses rushed into the room with all sorts of devices and instruments in an attempt to breath life into him.
After a minute or two he started breathing and let out the most beautiful sound a parent can ever hear. His first cry. They brought him over to my wife and everything was fine.
For anyone who has not witnessed a birth in person, I will give you one word. Messy. It may seem strange but your average guy has seen what lay between a women’s legs many more times than a women and therefore has a certain picture of what things usually look like. This may change for you when you witness that object fulfilling its true purpose. It’s a stark contrast from the image you may hold of your wife or from that perfectly trimmed picture of a porn star that someone has sent around the office at work (or so my friends tell me).
After it's all over you will look upon your wife with a new respect but what about sex in the future? You may have trouble getting that image out of your mind and possibly even worry about it affecting your ability to perform. Rest assured that the 6 weeks or longer that you have to wait will more than take care of that.
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